It's been two-and-a-half weeks since Lindsay checked herself into Linden Oaks.
I've lost track of the days of the week.
There's exhaustion...and then there is this. A physical & emotional slow drain that continually runs. It consumes your body and plays tricks on your mind...I've lost more "things" these past two weeks than ever before: keys, cups, glasses, papers, and so on...I found them all eventually, as well as some others things that have been missing for quite a while.
There is, however, something that I found that I didn't even know I had lost...or maybe it's that I never really had possession of it before and now I do.
My children's eyes.
Over the past two-and-half weeks I have been completely in charge of Ava, Henry, and Ella. I've stepped into the world that Lindsay so eloquently designed in our home. A design that allows form and function to coincide. Three very distinct children with their own personalities, own joys, own fears, own likes, and own dislikes. Three very different human beings each striving to be seen and heard; to find their own place in our world. The environment and its inner workings, its design, lent itself well to me stepping in full-time.
Over the past two-and-half weeks emotions in the house have been running in high gear...for all of us. We harnessed that energy often in order to make it through our days and nights. Within the realm of behaviors and consequences, both positive and negative, I found that my children so easily speak to me through their eyes.
They have beautiful eyes that tell me of their joys and fears, their likes and dislikes. When words are not sufficient to speak of the wants or needs, their eyes tell the whole story. As we laughed with one another, hugged each other, gave kisses and tickles; as we cried for whatever reason or let our anger be known...the eyes of my three children spoke with a determination I had not truly witnessed until this time.
I've grown ever so closer to my children over the past two-and-half weeks. I am looking forward to when Lindsay returns home and we can continue our life together...I am longing to once again find the deep love we have for each other that resides in our own eyes as we gaze at one another.
I am looking forward to finding more beauty in the eyes of our children with my dear, sweet wife.
