Today I care.
I've found it's been very difficult to care about much these days.
It's hard enough to just make it through each day.
My to-do list has been getting longer and longer, and I've just wanted to crawl in a hole until those tasks just vanished.
But guess what? That's not how it works. Go figure.
But something came over me today and I was productive.
I did laundry. This is typical for any given Monday, but I still did it.
I cleaned. I mean REALLY cleaned (the first floor, anyway). This is not something I've done in a while. It's been one of those things that I didn't care about. At all. But every time I'd walk by a some junk piled up high, or dirt and dust on the floor, it would make me angry. But I never did anything about it, because I didn't care enough. But today I did.
I called two places to start the process for getting a lift installed in our car for the new wheelchair. This was a very simple task, yet I hadn't done it yet because I didn't care. I didn't want to start the process. I know it will require more work, and that's the last thing I've needed. But it's been started. And now I just have to wait for them to call me back.
I also called the two companies to get estimates for a ramp for our house. Once again, not something I've wanted to do, but I did it today.
I called Children's Memorial Hospital to have Ella registered. She's going there to see a pediatric neurologist (Dr. Nancy Kuntz) on January 5th. We've heard of this incredible doctor through Ella's PT and also through FSMA. We've been told that she has a phenomenal SMA team and that she is very proactive (whatever that means for a disease with no treatment or cure). But we were curious. So we asked Dr. Murphy if we could go see this doctor, and she made it happen.
In the past, completing tasks was just a part of daily life. I never thought much about it. But now, things are different. Motivating myself just to get out of bed in the morning takes a whole new kind of energy and strength. I use up everything I have just to take care of Ava, Henry and Ella's immediate needs. Tackling to-do lists is so incredibly difficult.
But today, I did it. And I feel good.
