The winds are whipping the leaves around and a chill fills the air. Trees are barren of their covering and branches stand out against the bleak, dreary sky. The year rolls to its last month, promising joy, peace and hope.
The holidays are upon us for this year and the usual preparations are taking place. Our Christmas tree is up and decorated. A family affair that we embark on each year. Completed with the talk of Christmas's past; certain ornaments reminding us of people, places, and blessings.
The house smells of winter as scented candles flicker throughout the day. Christmas trinkets fill the spaces where family pictures and non-holiday decorations once stood. Lights adorn the fireplace as the wood inside waits to be lit on a frigid, wintry night. The warmth in the house, as you step in from the cold, warms your bones and is akin to the love that abounds within. Christmas music plays throughout the day reminding us of the true meaning of the holiday.
Our kids are older now (Ava, 12; Henry 10; and Ella 9). They thrill at the prospect of celebrating the holiday season with family and friends. They have their gift lists made out and keep wanting to add to them. The winter days are long and they spend time together playing on their computers, coloring pictures, and playing with the dogs. Soon, snow will cover the ground and they'll want to play outside; bundling up to frolic in the winter wonderland. Once back inside, the deep, rich smell of hot chocolate fills their cold noses and they wish to sit with us to play a family game while a fire crackles in the background.
Despite the challenges that face us each day, we move toward the holiday season with earnest anticipation. We seek time together, eating, drinking, and being merry. The realities of life, however, do not escape us...even in this blessed season.
We thought that after Lindsay's lower right leg being amputated we would enter a time of healing and preparing for a life without her being in pain. This has not been the case. Since she battled her foot infection for four years she did a lot of compensating when she walked and her left knee has taken the brunt of that compensation. She's been diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis as well as several other problems in her left knee. After many doctor visits it has been determined that she will need a total knee replacement...a surgery that carries with it great pain. As of right now, this surgery is scheduled for early January, 2020. Until that time, she has had to wean from all pain medications, so that they are completely out of her system, and can work at full capacity after the surgery. As she walks she can feel the bones in her upper and lower leg chipping away at one another, as recent x-rays have shown that she is completely bone-on-bone. She stops mid-walk, winces in pain, and then continues on her way.
We often ask God why this is happening. We feel there must be a reason for the ongoing problems. We look to the stars God created and question our lives; drawing into a deep, seemingly one sided, conversation with the Almighty. We seek and search for answers that we know will come--but we're in query of what form those answers will take.
In this holiday season we especially look toward God and His miracle of Jesus' birth. We sit back, awestruck at how God has sent His Son to save us. The holiday season brings with it messages of peace, joy and hope; and within the life we live with SMA and Lindsay's health issues, we look to God to provide us with glimmers of each. From deep within us, however, we remember that peace, joy, and hope comes through the experiences fueled by what God has blessed us with over time.
We move forward, recapturing our memories, old and new, and forming them into a feeling of gratitude.
We move forward, enlightening our children to the realities of life and to the promise God has blessed us with.
We move forward, knowing that God is watching over us--extending peace, joy, and hope in His way.
