circa: 2006 We found a home here, We're leaving the house. We found a family here, We're leaving our footprints. We found our church here, We're leaving with prayers. We found traditions here, We're leaving with the promise of more. We found ourselves here, We're leaving stronger than we came. We found our pleasures here, We're leaving with memories abound. We found disease here, We're leaving with an appreciation for life.  We found life and death here, We're leaving with a deeper understanding. We found our weaknesses and strengths here, We're leaving the latter behind and the former in tow. We found our skills here, We're leaving more confident. We found friends here, We're leaving richer for it. We found love here, We're leaving surrounded by it wholeheartedly.

Rummaging through years of stuff elicits a reminiscent quality that so easily takes one back to different times.  Some of those times seems easier, others more difficult.  Some feel simpler while others dredge up the confusion that was present when it was actually occurring.  Some make you smile while others bring back the pain endured for whatever reason.  Still some take you into a world where you almost re-live the events surrounding the object. The object below is of the last kind...one that brought me to a place and held me there for some time. Before Ella was diagnosed with SMA Type 2 we had no idea what was really happening with her.  All we knew was that she was missing developmental milestones and struggling.  One of the hardest aspects of all of this, as a parent, was the feeling of helplessness.  Watching your child struggle, fight, and exude extreme determination to accomplish something they should be able to easily was torture. ...

Yesterday I took Ella to her biannual checkup with her orthopedic surgeon, Dr. Grayhack, at Lurie Children's Hospital.  She goes every six months to check the curve of her spine, as well as other joints. I brought with us the disc that had her most recent spine x-ray, but Dr. Grayhack decided to also do an x-ray of her pelvis as well, so that we'd have a baseline as we've never looked at it up to this point.  We all assumed it would be fine.   But it wasn't. Ella's left hip is two thirds out of the socket and her right hip is on it's way.  Her hips are dangerously close to being completely dislocated.   This is not uncommon for children with SMA.  With Ella's muscles being weaker, they aren't able to hold her joints in their proper places.   But this came as a huge shock to all of us, as Ella's hips appear to be fine from the outside and she has never complained of any pain in that area.   But a dislocated hip can become a prob...

Ella playing by herself in the basement The small sticky pads that sit under Ella's eyes, covering and protecting her skin from the straps of the bi-pap mask, had one large drop of moisture on each of them.  The moisture came from tears streaming down her face, being absorbed by the protective pads.  The tears a result of fear. Fear of being alone.   Ella has developed this fear as of late; not wanting mommy or daddy to venture too far from her; wanting to sit on our laps more often; not wanting Ava to climb up into the top bunk...out of sight.  She simply doesn't want to be alone.   We know that this fear is something that most kids go through.  The timing, however, promises to make things a bit more challenging.  We are set to close on our new house in late April.  Once that happens the kids will each have their own bedroom.  They know this.  Ava, being six years old, is looking forward to having her own space; Henry has h...