I took Ava, Henry, and Ella to a new playground (called Nike Park) in Naperville so they could meet up with friends of theirs from church through the Mom's Group that Lindsay is a part of.   The morning was a musty one as dampness filled the air.  The temperatures had cooled from the day before but the steaminess still lingered.  As we drove I noticed the skies beginning to threaten our playground trip with impending storms.  We continued on in hopes of beating the rain that undoubtedly would come. When we arrived at the park the kids were really excited to see their friends as well as to go and play on the new playground.  Climbing, swinging, running, jumping--all the delights that a playground brings to children was had here.  Ella was included. She was free to run her wheelchair at full speed because the space was so big.  She fit under equipment as well as on the handicap accessible ramps and other children delighted in...

This past Monday (6.25.12), I stepped down to the partial (outpatient) eating disorder treatment program at Linden Oaks.  The partial program is 6 days per week (Monday through Saturday), 8 hours per day.  Which means I get to come home at the end of each day (and be home all day on Sundays)! When I came home on Monday, I was almost tackled to the ground by Ava and Henry (and Ella was right behind them in her wheelchair)!  It was SUCH a great feeling. But "home" was different.  I felt kind of like an outsider. I'm really supposed to take it easy when I'm at home (no lifting the kids, limit going up and down the stairs, etc.).  The main reason for this is to prevent my body from burning too many calories and going back into "hyper-burn" mode, which many times happens when patients return to more normal activity levels at home (compared to sitting ALL day at the hospital).  And the members of my treatment team know that our "normal" a...

It's been two-and-a-half weeks since Lindsay checked herself into Linden Oaks. I've lost track of the days of the week.   There's exhaustion...and then there is this.  A physical & emotional slow drain that continually runs.  It consumes your body and plays tricks on your mind...I've lost more "things" these past two weeks than ever before: keys, cups, glasses, papers, and so on...I found them all eventually, as well as some others things that have been missing for quite a while. There is, however, something that I found that I didn't even know I had lost...or maybe it's that I never really had possession of it before and now I do. My children's eyes. Over the past two-and-half weeks I have been completely in charge of Ava, Henry, and Ella.  I've stepped into the world that Lindsay so eloquently designed in our home.  A design that allows form and function to coincide.  Three very distinct children with their own personalities, ...

Ella is two years old...and loving every minute of it. While on the phone this afternoon she conveniently (for her) began singing "Old MacDonald Had A Farm" in the screechiest voice she could muster.  Needless to say I had to apologize to the person on the other end and move myself away from the "serenade".  Of course, there was a smirk underneath the song and a look from daddy that said, "I know what you're doing, little girl." Earlier in the day she made her independence known by saying "no" throughout the early afternoon and then changing her mind right away...typical behavior for a child her age but nonetheless aggravating...the same smirk and the same look ensued. In the morning, she tested her daddy right off the bat.  She was basically impossible.  I could feel my blood pressure rising as mornings are already tough for me, as they always have been, without the added stress coming from a demanding little girl.  Luckily, however,...

Note from Michael:   This post was written by Lindsay (on paper) while in Linden Oaks.  It was given to me on Tuesday (6.19.12) for me to post on Ella's Corner on behalf of Lindsay.   ************************************* I've been in the Linden Oaks Eating Disorder Treatment Program for two weeks now.  I've been making definite progress in some areas but no so much in others. I started gaining a little weight over the weekend but then I started losing weight again.  My body is really fighting against itself right now.  Another Ensure Supplement   has been added to my daily meal plan. I had another EKG done and this time the results were "borderline", which is definitely an improvement from "abnormal"  :) Then there's the emotional piece.  I've found that it is extremely difficult to disagree with the "Ed" thoughts.  Ed has been such a significant part of my life recently, and quite honestly, I'm terrified t...

Many people wrote to me today wishing me a Happy Father's Day.  They sent encouraging words and let me know how they felt about my fatherhood.  Thank you for that. The past few Father's Days have been filled with traditional celebrations of the role I play in our family.  Gifts, food, and a general appreciation for my efforts as Daddy. This year, however, showed me the true meaning of being a father. I am here to take care of my kids, love my wife , and to be thankful for what I have been given by the grace of God .  **************************** Taking Care of  My Kids We took some time the day before Father's Day to play.  We have a "rice pit" that allows them to sit and feel the awkward yet oddly satisfying feeling of being surrounded entirely be uncooked rice.  They played, they scooped, they dug, they enjoyed.  I added some plastic balls and made a "rice-ball" pit.  They ...

Note from Michael:   This post was written by Lindsay (on paper) while in Linden Oaks.  It was given to me on Thursday (6.14.12) for me to post on Ella's Corner on behalf of Lindsay.   ************************************* I've been at the inpatient treatment program at Linden Oak for over a week now.  There is no question that this is one of the hardest things I've ever done. One of the things I've found is that it's impossible for others to truly understand the emotions and behaviors behind an eating disorder unless they have personally experienced it.  I recently read a quote from a book (about eating disorders): "From the outside looking in, you can't understand it.  From the inside looking out, you can't explain it." I didn't realize how truly complex eating disorders are.  So many people's natural reaction is, "Just eat." Oh how I wish it were that simple.  If it were, I wouldn't be here struggling e...

Ella Sabine Casten--Two Years Old (June 10, 2012) The "Happy Birthday" song was sung to Ella numerous times throughout the day.  Each time a group of people, or even an individual, serenaded her she watched with curious eyes and a mind that soaked it all in.  The day after her birthday was spent listening to her sing "Happy Birthday" to herself. The highlight of her day was sitting in a chair in a room that was foreign to her.  She didn't have any straps holding her, she didn't have any machines plugged into her.  She sat surrounded by the people who know her the best; by the one person who knows her intimately~~her mother. At the end of a long day at the IL FSMA Walk-and-Roll and a fun-filled lunch with Auntie Annie and Uncle Noah, we visited Lindsay at Linden Oaks.  The staff there made an exception (under the orders of the doctors) to let our children into the hospital.  We cannot thank them enough for the opportunity.  When...

Sunday, June 10th. One day away. Ella's 2nd birthday. The annual FSMA IL Walk-and-Roll event. Right before nap Ella and Henry wanted to go for a walk.  I was ready for them to go down for a nap but thought maybe a short walk would be fine.  No strollers.  No bikes.  No dog.  Just us.  Henry wanted to push Ella in her wheelchair and since she was already in it that was no problem.  We quickly left the house and began our 15 minute journey. Ava held my hand.  Not something she's done in a long time as she usually prefers Lindsay's hand to mine.   We walked.  Pretty much in silence.  Henry concentrating on keeping Ella on the sidewalk as she giggled with delight in being pushed by her older brother; me lost in thought; Ava apparently lost in her own thoughts as well. Right before the picture above was snapped I began to tell Ava about the Walk-and-Roll event.  I told her that some of us will walk...

Dear Family and friends, I cannot begin to express how I feel reading all of the emails, Facebook comments and messages, listening to voice mails, and reading the comments on our blog.  So many of you have offered your support in so many different ways.  Thank you. June is our busiest month of this summer...doctor appointments (for more than just Ella), therapies, Vacation Bible School, fundraisers, and the FSMA Conference.  Needless to say I will need some help doing the job that Lindsay does so well. I have family that is close and available yet also need the help of others...to that end, Lindsay's father and I sat down this afternoon and took a good hard look at The Casten Calendar.  We found that we certainly could use some extra help around here. I have created a "Care Calendar" which is an online service specifically designed for situations such as this.  This calendar allows individuals to see when and what kind of help is needed and al...

This is going to be the hardest post I've ever written.  But it needs to be written. It's not an easy thing to admit to yourself, let alone other people... I have been struggling with an eating disorder.   The behaviors started shortly after Ella's diagnosis and were under control for a while.  But then I began to lose control. I tried to turn it around.  Countless times.  And unfortunately I was never successful. I've lost a significant amount of weight.  I've become very weak.  And very tired.  It's been hard for me to be a mother, wife, friend, etc. Some days I feel ok, while others I can barely function. After admitting to myself a couple weeks ago that I think I might have a problem, I turned to our pastor for guidance.  He helped me take the steps to have an assessment done. Yesterday I went to Linden Oaks at Edward Hospital (in Naperville, IL).  I was evaluated and had some lab work done and an EKG performed. ...

Relaxing after a hard's day work I had the pleasure of spending the day with Ella's therapists.  The picture above was taken toward the end of the day.  Ella worked hard this day.  She reaped the benefits of her work, including being tired--a good tired, as well as spending some quality down time on the deck. Early in the morning Ella worked on standing.  Her Physical Therapist had her attempt to bear weight without any devices.  Ella can do this in the pool for very brief moments..out of the pool, however, gravity has its own agenda. Ella vs. Gravity    Moments later, with the help of her knee immobilizers, she stands tall.  The therapist keenly had many photos of Ella taken in several different standing positions; with and without the braces so we can have a running record of her progress as well as documenting her needs. "Take that" Gravity Later in the day, after waking from a delightful nap, Ella was visited by her...