Sometimes I wish I could stop time.
I know there is going to be a moment when I realize that I can no longer pick up my Ella the way a father does...I know I will never be able to play upsee-daisy with her. I won't be able to wrestle with her, tickle her until she screams out in laughter, or put her up on my shoulders as we walk through a long day at the zoo.
The reality of what's happening is drilling its way deeper into my life.
I sit at this computer, wondering how I am supposed to rummage through my thoughts and feelings. I look at the world in a whole different way. I look at myself in a whole different way. I look at life in a whole different way.
Ella can waltz her way into anybody's heart. She has a beautiful smile that lights up her face and melts those around her. She seeks out people in a crowd and makes eye contact, whisking them into her world of delights. She easily accepts all and trusts those who care for her.
Ella has an adoration for animals. There is a quiet love that exists between her and the animal kingdom. She used to roll across the floor just to get to our dog, Sasa. Later, she would pull herself to her. Now, she uses her words to tells us she wants Sasa, as she can no longer move herself to the objects of her affections.
It's amazing to watch her smile when you are able to hold her just right and swing her up and around, letting her "fly" through the air.
She giggles with delight when together we find that perfect balance allowing her body to be upside down if only for a brief moment.
I'm happy that she can, at least for a while, experience some of the simpler joys of childhood.
Sometimes I cradle her neck with one hand, get my other hand under her trunk, and gently bounce her on the bed on her back. She loves it.
I'm a fortunate man, I am. I have three beautiful children, a wife who loves me more than anyone ever has, and a chance to be a father to someone whom I know, with every fiber of my being, is going to be an inspiration to so many people as she travels through her life.
Sometimes I wish I could stop time...and not for my sake.
