The mind is a vast, uncharted, collection of emotions and thoughts, that often leads us in directions and down life paths that we never knew existed.
The mind allows the circumstances that surround you to fill up your days and nights with an all-consuming demand for attention.
The mind allows us to gather our courage sometimes forsaking our own well-being in the name of love.
The mind makes attempts to guide us despite what our hearts may beckon. This results in a dichotomous relationship that requires energy unfounded to overcome.
The mind is ours to live with, moment by moment, for our time on this earth.
Lindsay and I have found that our minds are currently producing a dull, numbing experience. It is more than lack of motivation. The ache that resides deep within our brains makes for a world that is surreal. It keeps us hostage much of the days and nights, ever increasing its need, its demand, its necessity for our attention yet reciprocates with a dull ache.
Maybe we are drained; emotionally, physically. Maybe we are on the path to acceptance, or possibly entering the realm of depression.
In general, and not in this particular order, the stages of grieving are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. The five stages often inter-mingle with each other, providing confusion to those experiencing them. The human psyche can, from one single event, experience these "stages" in a multitude of ways...in any order, often in repetition. Many times, the cycles are vicious...hence the reason why so many people struggle with events in their lives for such long periods of time...often times without even knowing they are suffering. This produces ill effects on their physical, mental, and spiritual lives.
This numbness. It is insidious in its nature; creeping around the core of our lives, making the motivation to do the everyday things dwindle. The day-to-day, mundane parts of life seem pointless when the numbness extricates itself from deep within~~finding its way into our consciousness. It strips us of energy, resources, and carries us to a distant place that remains unspoken about most of the time; and ever-increasingly dark.
If not for the people in our lives...each other, our children, our family, friends and co-workers, acquaintances and yes, even strangers...if not for them our collective worlds right now would be a much different experience. For those who surround us~~we are so very grateful.
We wax and wane through the stages this psychological wrestling amidst the diagnosis of SMA given to our Ella. We seek to find the psychological awareness we once had...an awareness that everything will be all right. Maybe, somehow, in the big picture that includes God, we know everything will be fine...it does however, tax us and weary us.
Dull and achy...my mind goes on.
