I sat in my classroom at my desk this morning, preparing for the day's lessons. The room was quiet, only the clicking of my keyboard filled my head alongside the thoughts of what I was planning for the day's lessons as well as the ever present thought of my family.
From the hallway there was the usual flurry of occasional activity as teachers and 5th graders (getting ready for patrol duty) rambled through the building and past my room.
As I completed putting a thought onto my screen I heard a faint knock on the door and then the voice of a young boy, 10 years old; one of my former students from last year say, "Mr. Casten".
I turned and was a bit surprised to see him as he stood in my doorway. On any other day his face was usually bright, carrying a smile only he could pull off, his eyes usually twinkled their blue color against his somewhat overgrown blond hair. He, being the person he is, usually is quite animated...all of these qualities of the boy draw people to him...he is well liked.
On this day, however, his look was different.
He stood in the doorway. Looked directly at me. I said "Hi" to him. He drew closer then stopped, his eyes fixed on mine. I sat in my chair wondering if his delightful sense of humor was going to unleash itself at this moment with something that would brighten my morning. He did, however, more than brighten my morning, he shone a light on my day and into my soul.
The words that came from his mouth, as his eyes began to well-up; spoken with a slight crack in his throat were, "I'm sorry about what's happening with Ella."
My heart stopped and my spine felt the chill run up and down it while my hands drew cold. I looked the 10-year in the eyes and told him to come to me. He stepped closer and I placed my hand on his shoulder and we both bowed our heads for a split second as I said, "Thank you".
I told the young man that "We will do everything we can for Ella." and he held his chin up and nodded his head, his eyes fighting against the emotion that lay behind them. I sensed his feelings and as I gathered my wave of tears and quelled them I spoke to him saying, "The fact that you came in here this morning to tell me that means more than you will ever know."
We smiled a slight smile at each other and our eyes relaxed, allowing the depths of the moment fill them with blurring tears. We didn't cry though...we took one last look into each other's eyes and simultaneously looked back to what we were doing and where we going before this 90 second exchange took place.
I glanced toward his pathway out my door to catch a glimpse of him as he rounded the corner out of my room...a tear streamed down my face and was caught by a smile.
The past few weeks have shown me much of how people deeply care. My emotions run in directions I didn't know existed. They are literally changing by the hour. Hope, sadness, pride, despair, fear, love, disbelief, discord, numbness, anger, resentment, loneliness, confidence to name a few~~and all before I get to work in the morning; simply experienced during my drive to work.
The boy will go on with his life. He and I will continue to have daily encounters in the hallways that result in laughter and fun times. He will move on. His actions on this Sept. 30th morning will not move on...they will stay securely in a special place in my heart.
For all of you who think about us, pray for us, read and write with us, console us, provide for us, and take the time to connect with us...you have shown us the depth of the human spirit, the depth of love, the depth of kindness.
It's exactly what Ella needs right now.
